Perpetually late to the migration

Sometimes, I can be extremely obtuse. I tend to be the last to get something that everyone else sees coming from miles away.

Like after we got married and then thought, now what? I had absolutely no idea. For a long time I kept expecting Jeremy to go home, as if our marriage was just a really long date. It took me weeks to realize living with him was the new normal.

Or when I gave birth and couldn't believe there was an actual baby to take home. What? Really? For some reason I found this completely shocking.

Our planet's distress is another of these situations. I have read about it for years. We have even donated to causes, participated in projects, and made household changes trying to help. But for some reason, this major topic of discussion and action has never really sunk in. Until today.

Finally, after reading another article about salmon dying in our rivers – my rivers – the massive extent of what is happening hit me. Really hit me. I promptly threw up my breakfast and now I can't stop crying. Major changes to our planet are really happening. We have really done this great an horrible thing. And the greatest extent of our recklessness has basically happened over MY lifetime.

We have plans to meet friends today in the city. Honestly, I don't know if I can get myself together.  I have to go into the other room and face you. I really don't know how I am going to explain why I am so upset.

Perhaps I will tell you that I just found out my mother is very sick and my brothers and sisters are dying. Because it's true. And if it were the humans in my family, and not the earth and the salmon – I am not sure this hole in my chest could feel much worse.

The mother that Mormonism is missing

There is a lot of discussion in Mormonism right now about women's roles. Some women want to know why they can't have the priesthood and take on the roles that men are ordained to. Many men and women are concerned about sexism and want to see changes that address masogyny.

I am interested in the discussion but I am not passionate about it. The church has a path and will make course corrections as it has done in the past. I am looking forward to some very much needed changes that will hopefully come in time.

But the changes I am hoping for are hard to put into words because they are BIG.

The female that I feel is missing from our religion is not connected to the priesthood or really, anything that happens inside a church building or temple. She is Mother Nature.

She is the butterfly, the eagle, the salmon, the lamprey.

Water is sacred. Air is sacred.

She cares more about our communities and relationships than she cares about our individual choices. One person's choice to smoke, steal, or lie is not nearly as important as a whole community that relies on a power source that is polluting the environment for everyone.

She is our mother. We are in her home. And as a whole, we are not very good house guests.

This is a holy Mormon temple. It is a place that I have an unusual relationship with (for a Mormon that is). I felt from the beginning, that it was not the place for my passion and my work.

But the world's splendor is Her church. The river is Her temple. And it has become mine.

(Looks like the video was taken down. I think this is the same one here:
http://www.disclose.tv/action/viewvideo/158947/We_Are_All_One__An_Inspiring_Short_Film_To_Watch/)

Turns out, Siri doesn't swim

"The cure for anything* is salt water–sweat, tears, or the sea."
~Isak Dinesen
*Does not apply to iPhones

We've been in Manzanita for TWO WHOLE WEEKS. Amazing. Lovely. So mellow and calm. Days go like this: bike ride, park, beach, hot tub, library, candy store, games, movie, repeat.

Sadly, I killed both your dad's and my phones by placing them in the way of a sneaker wave. Water + iPhone + hot sun that I placed them in to dry = VERY DEAD electronics. Your poor dad was as mad as I have ever seen him, which is to say very quiet and not making eye contact for a half an hour. I had never busted or lost a cell phone before and I hope I never do again! We didn't let it ruin our trip but we did stop for rice treatment and a short vigil.

From your dad:

"*sob* After 24 hours in an Intensive Care rice bag, Siri was pronounced dead at 6:27 PM 07/13/2015. I can't help but wonder if had I used basmati rice to try and dry her out instead of plain white rice, she might be with us still today. *sob* ‪#‎goodbyeSiri‬"

No phones = no photos. So this photo of you in the hot tub will have to suffice for two weeks of glorious beach adventures. Hopefully you will remember jumping in the surf, hunting through tide pools, and playing umpteen games of the Jumanji board game we bought here at a yard sale. I'm pretty sure you have memorized most of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and Land Before Time II after watching the VHS tapes over a few times. "What do you mean it has to rewind?" You hadn't come into contact with anything that needed REWINDING before. Gad, I'm old.

Alas, it was a great adventure with lots of time to just BE together. As we leave for home, my bucket is FULL.

Love you both,
Mama

Magic is happening

Henry with four books he can read by himself!

I remember bringing Lucy home from the hostpital and realizing that she didn't know anything. ANYTHING. She didn't know the word spoon. Or how to wave goodbye. Or which Star Wars movie is the absolute best one (Empire Strikes Back, of course). The universe had put me in charge of teaching her everything! It was a moment of complete terror. I called my mom in a panic and she calmly reassured me that it would all happen over time. Every day would teach her something new and before I knew it, she would know how to make friends, do algebraic equations, and make heart-shaped pancakes.

And slowly, time has proven her right. You have both learned to talk and walk and make friends and swim. And so many other things. But it still feels somewhat magical to me. Not like Harry Potter and pumpkin coach magical. But more like WiFi magical. I understand basics of the science behind the technology. But when I sit here typing and listening to music that is *magically* floating down to my ears from space, it feels like there is definitely some hocus pocus happening.

I felt the same thing when your brains somehow started processing letters into words. You are READING. I've read to you a lot. And we've looked at letters. But I don't feel like I taught you this. I feel like you were WIRED for it and somehow, at just the right moment, it came online all by itself.

It happened first with Lucy and now Henry has caught the bug. One day you are sounding out "fan." The next time I turn around you are reading full sentences and accepting the non-logic that through and threw sound the exact same but mean two totally different things. English. It is crazy!! Always seemed way too (not to, or two) complicated a thing for me to teach you. So it's a good thing that you are both absolutely, fantastically, magic.