"The heart that gives thanks is a happy one,I gave a talk on the science of gratitude this week. Being thankful is something that changes my life for the better every day. If there is anything I have a testimony of, it is gratitude.
for we cannot feel thankful and unhappy at the same time.
The more we say thanks, the more we find to be thankful for.
And the more we find to be thankful for, the happier we become.
We don't give thanks because we're happy.
We are happy because we give thanks."
~ Douglas Wood in The Secret of Saying Thanks
One of my biggest goals as a parent is to help you develop habits of gratitude. Choosing to be grateful will help you learn to let got of disappointments and readily make the best of things.
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow."Please, please, please learn to be grateful. There is nothing more uplifting, healing, inspiring, peaceful, and healthy for you to learn.
~ Melody Beatti
The following is from the handout:
Seven Gratitude Exercises
All seven exercises work, but you’re more likely to make it a habit if you pick what appeals most to you. If you already keep a gratitude journal, consider adding another strategy into the mix. Most take just a few extra minutes a week but offer disproportionately large benefits.
1. Gratitude Journal
At the end of each day, write down a few items for which you are grateful. A daily calendar can be a quick and easy one to carry around.
- The items you list must change and you must keep the activity interesting.
- The list does not have to be written. You can also say it out loud.
Resources:
- Happy Tapper, an iPhone and iPad gratitude app.
- Thnx4.org, a free, online, and social gratitude journal.
2. Positive prayer
Thank God for blessings. And/or thank the universe for lucky circumstances.
Resources:
- A beautiful prayer for all faiths, by Thich Nhat Hanh, one of the most revered Buddhists in the world: Waking up this morning, I see the blue sky. I join my hands in thanks for the many wonders of life; for having twenty-four brand-new hours before me.
- A beautiful quote by G. K. Chesterton: You say grace before meals. All right. But I say grace before the concert and the opera, and grace before the play and pantomime, and grace before I open a book, and grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing and grace before I dip the pen in the ink.
3. Negative Grace
On a regular basis, imagine some part of your life being worse than it actually is. Example: before I shower I say thanks for not having to bathe in an ice-cold tundra. Before I sleep I sometimes say thanks for not having to sleep on the floor.
Resources:
- Spent (online game, life in the shoes of a poor person) It’s quick and free.
- 60 things that could be worse, from Tiny Buddha.
4. Write a thank you note
Thank anyone you know for anything they helped or shared with you. Take time to focus on sincere words, specific items to be grateful for, and the person you are grateful to.
5. Remember The Bad
Instead of visualizing something bad that could happen to your life, as with negative grace, visualize something bad that actually has happened, but that you overcame. Remembering the pain and difficulty with which we arrived at the present helps us to feel grateful.
Note: Don’t focus on unresolved bad – on choices not made or regrets left festering, but instead on challenges conquered and positives that could have been negative.
6. Gratitude Visualization
Picture in your mind someone for whom you are grateful. Now verbalize out loud or in your mind a few specific reasons for why you are grateful for them. The more specific the better. After a few minutes, switch to someone else.
Resources:
- An overview of loving-kindness (compassion) meditation. Compassion and gratitude are not the same thing, but increasing one has been shown to also increase the other.
- A comprehensive PDF of loving kindness meditation.
- A gratitude meditation by Deepak Chopra.
7. Sensory Appreciation
We are consciously aware of less than .01% of the sensory cells being activated each second. Usually this is a good thing – if we were suddenly aware of all of the different things touching our body, smells reaching our nose, tastes lingering on our tongue, sounds hitting our eardrums and light-rays entering our eyes all at once, we would go crazy and be unable to focus. But sometimes it’s good to turn off the filter.
- The next time you are eating delicious food, take a moment to close your eyes, focus on the pleasant sensations being generated in your mouth, and be grateful for 1) your tongue, 2) the food, or both. Doing this not only makes me grateful and happy – it makes my food taste much better!
- The next time you are listening to a favorite song, close your eyes, focus on the beautiful combination of sounds, and be grateful for 1) your ears, 2) the music, or both. Remember the sense of joy you experienced the first few times you listened to favorite song? This can help you reclaim that joy.
- This extends to enjoying special belongings in a way that brings you joy: wearing your favorite underwear, using your favorite mug, hanging up a painting you love, printing photos to put in an album within easy reach, and so on. I love fabric, always have. For years I kept all my fabric in tubs - but when I brought them out and found a place where I could line them up on a shelf, suddenly I felt joy just passing by and seeing them. I hang a quilt that your great grandmother made in our patio room. Yes, it would be better preserved in a box in the attic; but on display, it brightens our space and reminds me often of my grandma and all that she did for me.
Resources:
- A useful guide to mindful eating, from Zen Caffeine.
- Eat What You Love, a book about mindful eating.
Recommended Books
- Taking Charge: Caring Discipline That Works at Home and at School(Fourth Edition) by JoAnne Nordling
- The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People: What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It by David Niven
- The Secret of Saying Thanks By Douglas Wood
