Boo!

You and I spent your first Halloween in Utah. I made a Bee costume for you and a flower bush costume for myself. Sadly, I didn't manage to get a good picture of us together but here you are showing off your wares.

We finally got to attend Will and Deb's annual Halloween party where each year they make and destroy a giant piñata for the occasion. This year's piñata was Mickey Mouse and boy was it impressive. I can't believe my brother's sculpting skills. Wow!

The Mickey piñata, me as flowers, Will as Nacho Libré, and Dave as a lazy mummy.

The aftermath - a disemboweled Mickey

On Halloween night, we went trick- or-treating in North Salt Lake with your Nikopoulos cousins. They have the kind of neighborhood with the "big candy" and houses decked out like graveyards. There were about a zillion kids in cute-as-heck costumes - several of which Aunt Millie had made. 

With friends, family, food and fun - the only thing missing was your dad. Let's never spend Halloween without him again.

Bundled Up for a Fall Walk

Posted with LifeCast

Heading to Utah

We're off to Utah tomorrow for 10 days.

Without...

Your...

Dad.

After taking 3 months off for paternity leave and with holiday travels coming up, he just can't take all the days off so you and I are heading off without him and I am more than a little nervous. 

I think many new dads share a lot of the child-rearing these days. Your dad in particular has been right in there every step of the way. He knows your noises and quirks as well as I do. Sometimes I can calm you a little better and I've definitely got a leg up in the feeding department but he can certainly hold his own and you and I both look forward to every minute he is home.

Plus, over the 11 years we've been married, Jeremy and I have never been apart this long. I am quite sure that way before the end of this trip, I will be missing him like crazy.

So alas - in the face of 10 days without him - I'm feeling a little lost. I am sure we will manage but I hope you'll be patient with me over the rough spots; there are bound to a few.

Halloween costume I will be making you - for 2018

I love this costume. If I started now and devoted my life entirely to it, I might just finish it in time for your 10th Halloween. Hm – maybe not.

Letting her crow colors fly

Posted with LifeCast

Cute outfit #907

A family of salmon people

Another year of the Wy-Kan-Ush-Pum Village at the Salmon Festival has come and gone. For the past six years your dad has been the organizer for the event and most of his family has participated as volunteers and presenters. Being a part of the village has been an incredible experience for me as I have gotten to know some amazing people and learned a lot about salmon and tribal culture. As a volunteer and participant, I've had a chance to put up and take down teepees, clean and roast salmon, bang on a tribal drum, scrape a buffalo hide, weave a basket, and many other things that I never knew I'd get a chance to do. 

A little about the event from critfc.org:

Wy·Kan·Ush·Pum means "Salmon People," and the Wy·Kan·Ush·Pum Village at the Oxbow Salmon Festival was established to teach people that we are all Salmon People...Visitors to the festival get the opportunity to actually participate in tribal activities rather than be mere spectators. Tribal elders get the opportunity to share their knowledge with the general public in a traditional setting that helps educate guests. 

I am so proud of your dad for creating this unique experience for the region and this amazing opportunity for our family and so many others. 

In this series, you and Grandpa Crow were standing in a teepee doorway. It was nippy out so you put your cold nose right up to grandpa to keep warm. 

Here we are on an Appaloosa from Nez Perce country. 

Our darling papoose - several tourists took pictures of you and other babies in the village in cradle boards. One of the teenage volunteers made your headband.

Geraldine Jim is a Warm Springs elder who comes every year to demonstrate stick-roasting salmon. She has a great sense of humor and a surprising weakness for marshmallow Peeps. This year, she and her daughter Mona shared some tips on using a cradle board with me and I am so grateful.

Your dad took a break to parade you around the village and introduce you to everyone. 

A partial view of the village.

Love in the mail box

Grandma sent a package of Anna's old clothes and toys today (plus a few miscellaneous extras) - a little love coming all the way from Utah. Click the image below to see details. 

Thank you Grandma. We love you too!

5 months already!

It is amazing that you are already 5 months old. It seems like just yesterday we were holding you for the first time and agonizing over what to name you.

Now, you are more than twice your birth size and your personality has come alive in so many ways. You have become curious about everything and it is so exciting to see you make new discoveries every day. It is almost scary to see you grow so fast but we are so grateful that you are so happy and healthy. Your beautiful smile is quickly becoming my favorite thing in the whole world.

Grandpa's still at it

My parents were divorced when I was 12 years old. The actual divorce wasn't extraordinarily messy or terrible - just the normal, awful divorce stuff: dividing up possessions, determining custody, etc. But soon afterward (or maybe even before it was  completely finalized) it took a terrible turn when my father started filing lawsuits against my mother and others involved with a businesss they once owned. Now - I would consider it one of the ugliest divorces in history because it's been drawn out through more than 20 years (!) of legal attacks my dad has shelled out against my mom.

I believe my father is 100% wrong in doing this - both in principle and in fact. My mother owes him nothing. In fact, he is the one owing for unpaid child support, alimony and for the massive expenses piled up from two decades of court cases. It's absolutely ridiculous. But no one can convince him of that so on he goes. It drives me absolutely nuts.

Recently, he has filed again and my siblings and I have once again faced off with him about it - this time through email.  Each of us has argued the point from our own angle.

From Will - a dose of compassion:

I know this has been hard for you; and I will never realize the full pain you feel. However, I do know that if you want to be happy ... you need to give up this pain.

From Ginny - a straight-talking rebuke:
I watched MOM work long hours, leave her children, while you walked out, so she could support a family. Mom has worked her whole life to support our family, her life has not been fun and easy, she has put all but one of her children through school and college. It may be hard for you to believe but none of MAC belongs to you! I am sorry that this is so hard for you, but it is reality.

From Dave - business knowhow and amazing family insights:
The amount of stress, headache, and financial burden that has come as a result from year's worth of law suits and prideful grievances has taxed our family by amounts that I can scarcely comprehend. The fact that these actions are still being executed pains and even angers me. I become even angrier when I watch my father lie both to his self and to others for what I can see no other benefit that that of maintaining his own self image....It is my greatest wish that my nieces, nephews, and perhaps someday my children, will be able to grow up with no memory of my parents divorce or the great tragedy that has resulted since then.

And from me - an emotional plea:
Many times I've thought that if you cared about me, you would stop dragging us all through this legal hell. If you continue, I will know that's true and that you really don't care about me at all.

I think all of the arguments were heartfelt, well-written, and powerful. Taken all together, any reasonable person would have been blown away. But alas - your grandpa is not a reasonable man and these letters seem to have had no effect. I have little hope for him ever changing and it is very sad indeed. I really pity him for spending so much of his life on such a fruitless cause.

The worst part for me is the frustration of not being able to do anything about it. I guess the best I can do is to be sure I, you and anyone else I can influence won't get caught up in a similar situation. So here are my general guidelines in how to avoid a twenty-year feud.

• Be honest with yourself - even if it is painful. It is the first step to moving forward.
• Be willing to admit mistakes or give up on something is causing unhappiness. Letting go will be difficult but it will also make you free.
• Don't expect everything to be fair. Even if you are right and deserving, things may not go your way. 
• Forgive and forget with a kind heart - especially forgive yourself. 
• Count your blessings. The world is full of amazing gifts if you just take time to notice. 
• Life is a journey; never stop moving along the path to true happiness and peace. Follow the Buddhist way of remaining watchful and letting go each time you become stuck.

"Love one another." - Jesus Christ

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." - Joseph Campbell

“Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude. ” - Denis Waitley

Baby poncho

It's starting to get cool outside and I can't seem to keep a blanket on you in the stroller so I've made you a couple of ponchos. They were super easy and no sewing required.

The two-minute (literally!) version:

Fold fabric and cut to make a square (I did 24 inch sides which is too big for a poncho but I'm going for more of a wearable blanket).  Trace out and cut a hole in the middle for the neck (4.5 inch diameter for Lucy's - bigger for someone with a full-sized head). 

The twenty-minute version:

Same as above but then cut some decorative pattern around the edges. Fringe is fun and easy. I made scallops here.

The 2-hour version:

First, cut the neck hole too big. Then wonder how in the heck to fix that. Try gathering the fleece at the neck - which doesn't work. Take out all the thread. Get totally frustrated and go eat some chocolate. Come back and pick it up again. While sewing some decorative edging around the neck, sew the front to the back at least once and then have to pick that out. Cursing is optional. Search for and finally find a hook and eye fastener. Frantically sew it in before the baby wakes up hungry. Finish up and fasten it around the cutest baby you can find.

Note - I think I prefer the first two versions. 

You're drooling so much these days, I may make a couple more. And with the right fabric, you can totally be Poncho Villa for Halloween.

Heartsick

I've just read an address by Russell M. Nelson in the October Ensign and I'm absolutely heartsick over it.

Lucy, I hope you are never in a situation to even have to question an abortion. I hope you never have an abusive partner. I hope you never face having a child with severe abnormalities. I hope you don't have to go through fertility treatments that accidentally leave you with more embryos than your body can handle. I hope you never face poverty so severe you have to choose between having another child or being able to feed the ones you've already got. I hope you don't get pregnant at 48 after your husbands vasectomy doesn't take (oops says the doctor). I hope you never find out your are expecting soon after you find out your husband has been sexually abusing your kids.

But the truth is, I've known women in all of these situations and whether they chose to have an abortion or not (and some of them didn't), I stand 100 percent behind the idea that they needed that option to be available.

The fact that an apostle is questioning that right is deeply upsetting to me. Further so that he enters into the argument of exactly where life begins and takes moral judgement on the different reasons people have to make this very complicated decision. What happens in your and my uterus is our own business and nothing about his opinions would be helpful in a very difficult situation.

This isn't a war - this is life in a very harsh world that offers far few protections to far too many. Poverty, ignorance, greed, hatred - these are the real moral battle grounds. Abortion is just a symptom like CEO pay, illiteracy, and the state of the environment are symptoms. Focusing on one and not others is arbitrary and here, he's chosen to pick on the weak and already downtrodden (statistics show that women are far more likely to need an abortion if they are poor, uneducated, and/or lack health insurance). These women need our help, not our condemnation and certainly not our attack on their rights.

I've always had a soft heart for the ones left out and pushed down by the church. I remember once when I was very young, we had a lesson on two brothers. One wanted all people to be saved and had a plan that would make that happen. The other wanted free will even though some would be lost. The Father sided with the second brother and banished the first forever. I didn't understand and my heart went out to Lucifer. That night in my prayers, I called out to him - not to join his evil legion or anything - but just to say that I was so sorry for his pain. Being condemned by his father and God seemed like the worst thing I could possibly imagine. I wanted him to know that if he needed a friend, even if no one else in humanity could accept him, I would always be there for him.

Yes - I was very naive. But I still don't understand that story and I can't blame Lucifer for any of my mistakes or our societal ills.

The irony here is that currently Christians are on the side of things trying to take away free will from people wanting to make moral choices in their own lives. I haven't wanted to notice, but the Mormon church is taking part in this as well - first in their attacks on gay marriage and now here against reproductive choice.

The fact that this address comes in October, so soon before a November election for a president who may determine your future right to choose is a slap in the face. I am shocked and really disappointed that the church is getting involved in this way. Their involvement in politics in other areas has bothered me but this further crosses the line.

My heart is sick and I don't know what to do about it. If my heart cannot accept these teachings, what am I to do?

Breaking news

Your dad is featured in the Gresham Outlook this month. And last month, a photographer at the Salmon Walk event captured this photo of you for the Umatilla paper.