Dear Lucy and Henry: Welcome baby

Only in the few weeks before you were born did I start to realize that this was all real and happening. We were going to have A BABY! I was going to have to GIVE BIRTH! I thought the final "nesting" would be consist of a little neurotic cleaning but no - for me it was mentally coming to terms with things I had known for months but apparently not fully accepted. Don't get me wrong - we knew you were coming. We wanted you and had been planning on you coming for years. In fact, I was afraid my heart would break if something happened to you so I held out until the end to finally believe.

I went through all the emotions and frantically tried to prepare. I wondered what you would look like, worried that there might be something wrong with you (something that hadn't even dawned on me until the end), and agonized over how to prepare for The Birth - sending Jeremy on errands for supplies I thought might help but we never used (someday you'll play with some beautiful pink tennis balls).

Luckily, your aunt Angela took pity on me and showed up just in time to help me through the last few days and the birth. She was amazing and her stories about birthing cattle calmed me right down (pretty surprising since they mostly consisted of pulling calves out with chains, sewing the poor cows up with shoe laces, and other such pleasantries). We even took time to relax for deluxe pedicures.

My water broke early on May 6 and IT began. I was thrilled to be on our way and so excited to meet you. I didn't have any pain and didn't seem to be having contractions yet so we stayed home and took some walks through the neighborhood. Walking into Fred Meyer, I was thinking of all the people around me having no idea that something so monumental was happening to me Right! Now!

In the afternoon, we made our way to the hospital, still relaxed and excited. The admission nurse confirmed that my water had indeed broken but I was only 1 cm dilated and wasn't really having contractions yet. They put me in hospital gowns and sent us out to walk the grounds and get things moving.

By late evening, I was tiring some but still not in pain. I was starting to worry that things would never move along and I'd have to have to go through all this and then have a c-section afterall. The doctors reassured me we had plenty of time and I could labor for another day or two if that's what it took. I was pretty discouraged but still excited. Finally, around 1 in the morning, they put me on Pitocin and the contractions picked up immediately. Wow - the pain is very real. I realized all too fast that what I'd been feeling up to this point was hardly hitting the radar and there was still a long way to go. Worse was knowing that I was still at 1 cm and the pain wasn't getting us anywhere. The nurses kept talking me through the contractions, telling me I needed to relax to let the contractions bring you down but I simply could not relax; the pain was much too intense.

Around 6 in the morning, I was reaching a breaking point and the nurse told me about my pain relief options. I opted to go straight for the epidural and hope it wouldn't stop the labor. That turned out to be one of the best decisions I have ever made. First - right after I got the epidural I felt relief and was able to relax - so much so that I got a couple of hours of sleep. And second - it didn't stop the labor but allowed my body to relax and finally get somewhere with the contractions.

They came in to check my dilation around 11:30 and in my mind I was thinking - "Please let me be at 4 - if I'm at 4, I think maybe we'll make it. If I'm still at 1, I'm going to feel despair." I literally cried with happiness when they told me I was at 6 and you would be coming in the next few hours.

Grandma's plane came in around noon - and she arrived at the hospital just in time for the final stages of labor. I don't think she anticipated being there to see me push you into the world but there she was - and she and Angela were right there in the room with us which meant more to me than I can say. Being so far away from the family, I was so afraid I would feel alone during the end and it was such an amazing gift for me to have them there. I will always be grateful for their presence.

The last couple of hours of labor is a blur. It seemed to go by really fast and my adrenaline was pumping. The pushing particularly flew by and seemed to last only 20 minutes or so (your grandma assured me it was much longer than that). After only a couple of pushes, your head was coming down and the nurse encouraged me to reach down and feel your hair. I was shocked that there was in fact A BABY in there - and you were so close - and that you had hair - how wonderful! Instead of cursing about the pain, all I could say was "Oh my Gosh" over and over again. And then suddenly you were here - looking wonderfully healthy and beautiful and so big! I didn't want to take my eyes off of you. Your dad cut the cord and I held you close for while the midwife and nurses gave me a few stitches. I didn't feel a thing and was surprised when they told me it was all finished.

Your dad was so strong and supportive through the whole thing. I've always thought it was strange that men are now helping women through birth but I could not have hoped for better support. Even through the end where I was sure I would want him seeing all the gory details, he was right by my side and was the first to see you enter the world.