Sometimes, I can be extremely obtuse. I tend to be the last to get something that everyone else sees coming from miles away.
Like after we got married and then thought, now what? I had absolutely no idea. For a long time I kept expecting Jeremy to go home, as if our marriage was just a really long date. It took me weeks to realize living with him was the new normal.
Or when I gave birth and couldn't believe there was an actual baby to take home. What? Really? For some reason I found this completely shocking.
Our planet's distress is another of these situations. I have read about it for years. We have even donated to causes, participated in projects, and made household changes trying to help. But for some reason, this major topic of discussion and action has never really sunk in. Until today.
Finally, after reading another article about salmon dying in our rivers – my rivers – the massive extent of what is happening hit me. Really hit me. I promptly threw up my breakfast and now I can't stop crying. Major changes to our planet are really happening. We have really done this great an horrible thing. And the greatest extent of our recklessness has basically happened over MY lifetime.
We have plans to meet friends today in the city. Honestly, I don't know if I can get myself together. I have to go into the other room and face you. I really don't know how I am going to explain why I am so upset.
Perhaps I will tell you that I just found out my mother is very sick and my brothers and sisters are dying. Because it's true. And if it were the humans in my family, and not the earth and the salmon – I am not sure this hole in my chest could feel much worse.
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