Play group woes

I've been taking you to some mommy groups lately hoping to find an ongoing play group with kids just your age. But, I'm finding the experience a little strange. It almost feels like dating and it is not going well.

So far there has been a lot of discussion on "attachment parenting," "the importance of co-sleeping" and other such crazy things - and don't even get me started on the lactivists. I just don't related to having such fixed ideas about what is The Best Way. My goal is enjoy my time with you as much as possible and to survive the rest (aka breastfeeding, general life upheaval, missing the latest Batman movie, etc.).

Other moms truly need to vent about their extreme troubles like bloody nipples (aaack!) or complete lack of sleep and I'm pretty sure it would sound like gloating if I got up and said you were sleeping all night and cried less than 20 minutes a day. Holy cow Lucy - after hearing some of these stories I know you are indeed the best baby ever!

Maybe deep down, I'm just disappointed that I can't just get together with my mom, or my sisters, or B and Bonna, or Barbara or Erin or all the great friends I grew up with. Having you has definitely made me want to be near them more than ever. My dream mom's group would include all of them and occasionally Mary Poppins who could watch the kids while we relaxed on the beach in our palapa. Alas, I guess that's not likely.

So you and I are going again today. Hopefully we'll find a couple of like-minded moms who want to hang out and don't care that I have puke AND poop on my clothes and smell like yesterday's milk.

Backyard swim

I took you for a backyard swim today. You fit nicely into an ice bucket Bernadette and Paul gave us for our 10th anniversary. And wonder of all wonders - you've learned to splash!

The little swimsuit is a hand-me-down from Anna Jorgenson and while it seems pretty superfluous, you sure look darling in it.


I was hoping the swim would help you settle down for a decent nap. So far it doesn't seem to be working. You seemed to enjoy it though so I'm sure we'll do it again.

Photos and video at: http://gallery.me.com/mfivecrows#100175

Mosquito

Your namesake B has never been bit by a mosquito. Yes - I said never. It must be some kind of super power. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like you've inherited this magic trait. You got your first bite tonight.

Berry picking with our papoose

Today we took you berry picking on Sauvie Island. As usual, I loved it. Nothing like stuffing my face full of yummy berries and oh yeah - picking a few to take home.

This year was certainly a little different - what with me breastfeeding you in the middle of the berry fields and all. For your nap, we put you down in your cradle board. Let's just say we got a few friendly stares in the general store. If it weren't for your dad's iPhone and our digital camera, I might have felt like a total hippie. But alas, I'm just a pragmatic mom who's doing what works. 

Blessing day

With Uncle Will in town, we took you to church for your blessing day. You looked so beautiful and didn't cry through the whole thing. You wore a dress Grandma Linda wore as a baby along with the lace tights I made and some beaded white moccasins from our good friend Marjie Lundell.

The circle was very small with Will being the only family there and most of our close friends not being members. But I'm sure the friends and family members who couldn't be there love you and welcome you with their whole hearts.

Truth is, your whole life has been a blessing so far. Every time you sleep in your cradle board, it's like a big hug from grandma and grandpa crow. Every time I put down the shade in your room, I remember the amazing blessing of having Angela and mom here for your birth. And so it is with every outfit, every toy and book – even your crib has come from someone who loves and blesses you. These things themselves won't last but the love that went into them will always be there for you.  

Utah - land of many laps

You had your first trip to Utah and you met all of your aunts, uncles and cousins on my side. You met some of your extended family on your dad's side including Great Grandma B! You also spent time with both of your grandmas. You went from one lap to the next with hardly any fuss which was a great relief to us. You had a lot to say to everyone with your little oos and aws. Of course, everyone loved you and can't wait to see you again. I really am sorry that we live so far away from your extended family. I dearly hope we will get to see them often enough for you to know them very well.

We brought your cradleboard along with us and throughout the trip you continued to sleep well at night. My mom says you are the easiest baby she's ever seen. That kind of makes me feel like a total wimp but I have to admit, you're pretty darn good most of the time.

During our visit, we had a very special time with my family. We haven't been all together for over 10 years since before Jeremy and I were married. It was amazing to watch all of your cousins playing together. I can hardly wait until you're old enough to join the pack.

More photos at: http://gallery.mac.com/mfivecrows#100165

Pregnancy in review

It's almost impossible to describe how all of this has felt. Pregnancy seemed to inch along and fly by at the same time. My brain became mush, my body swelled to an unbelievable size, my emotions went loco and slowly, my whole sense of reality turned on end.

Call me crazy but most of the time, I actually enjoyed the pregnancy. It felt like real magic and despite the ill side effects, I felt more alive - and more cared for - than I can ever remember.

Believe this, you are coming into a world that loves you. You and me both were positively showered with love from countless friends and family the whole way through. We are talking an entire nursery and enough toys and clothes for the next couple of years to get you started! And for me, constant support and understanding from colleagues and friends to help me through the trying days - of which there were quite a few. Meals showing up on the doorstep after you were born put things way over the top. I am still totally overwhelmed just thinking about it.

You won't be thinking about this for a LOOOONG time. But when you do, I hope you have the care, the support and the love that I have had. We waited a long time to have you and it was worth it.

I can also say that I've been pretty lucky in the pregnancy genetics department and you probably will be too. (Again - I do hope you will wait for a LOOOONG time to find out - 32 is a great age to start!) No stretch marks. No hemorrhoids. No varicose veins. And - you came right on your due date and most of my mom's and sisters' babies came on time as well. That is very good news as 40 weeks is plenty!

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all peachy and I had plenty of miserable days. The water retention was my least favorite part and it got pretty horrible near the end. My moods were also positively monstrous. And there are other gory details I'm sure I'll lord over you and guilt you with when you have been particularly rebellious.

They say you forget a lot about pregnancy after a few months and I think it must be true because it all seems like a dream now. I see pictures of myself and honestly can't imagine being that big. So before I forget it all, here's a few insights. Feel free to ignore them as pregnancy is pretty personal and you never know what might be best for you.

1. Enjoy your pregnancy as best you can. Put your feet up. Indulge in a few cravings (for me it was fruit, hot dogs, and strawberry flavored chocolate kisses - a magical combination). Buy an outfit that makes you feel at least less frumpy. Hole up and away from people for a day if you need it. Or call some old friends and share all your worries and excitement. Treat yourself to a pedicure or a massage or both. Pregnancy is really hard and you need extra care and love.

2. Spend a lot of time with your partner. Jeremy and I went to Mexico on vacation and we had an amazing time (despite the couple of days we spent in bed with the norovirus). We also spent a long weekend at the coast, had an extended Christmas break and took a 6-week pregnancy class together. Now that you are here, we're not spending as much time one-on-one and I'm glad we took the chance while we could.

3. Spend time every day just feeling the baby move. I loved feeling you move around inside me and I even miss it a little. You had a funny way of shoving your hip out to the side, making a nearly impossible cone rise from my torso. And at about 4:30 and 10 pm you would go crazy with your baby square dancing (or maybe it was baby Tai bo - hard to tell). It was marvelous and comical and amazing.

3. If exercise makes you feel good - do it. I have never much of a gym person but by the end of my pregnancy, I was going almost every day. I loved working up a sweat on the eliptical trainer without hurting any of my joints and then taking a leisurely swim in the pool where I could feel practically weightless for at least a little while. The exercise really helped me keep my spirits and energy up and helped me sleep better at night. I was worried a little that I was taking calories from you - but at 7 lb and 13 oz, you came out plenty big and very healthy.

4. Try not to get sick. I know - this one's nearly impossible but it's worth a try. I got sick a few times while I was pregnant and it was pretty miserable. I was also surprised that I got sick a couple of times right after you were born. I thought the pregnancy hormones would somehow be protective and they were - for you - but not for me and it is hard enough to care for an infant, be semi-presentable for visitors and generally not fall flat and die after giving birth - without adding a nasty cold into the mix. Your poor Aunt Jamie, Uncle Jayson and Grandma Crow can attest to this one as they saw me during the worst of it - so sorry guys.

5. Unless you are sure you and your loved ones can handle it - don't remodel during your pregnancy. We got back from Christmas vacation and moved all of our things into the living room where we lived and slept on a mattress on the floor for the next few months. The first night we slept there, I was in tears and absolutely panicked that our nest was in shambles. Your poor dad was racked with guilt and spent the next few months scrambling to get everything done. He did finish everything and it looks beautiful - and with absolutely no help from me. Even the decision making was a nightmare as I couldn't make my mind up about a single thing. It is a very good thing that your dad had the energy to follow through by himself and the aesthetic sense to make it suit both of our tastes without any input from me.

6. Don't worry too much about childbirth. Labor sucks and giving birth isn't exactly fun but your body will know what to do and the experts will be there to help you through it. We took a class and I read all of the books and it was helpful to have some basics but for the most part, nature just took it's course and I went along for the ride. 

7. Don't let anyone talk you into any kind of birth without pain killers. For some crazy reason that is all the rage these days and I think it's just plain crazy. You owe it to your female ancestors - particularly the ones who had to give birth along the long trek to Utah, only to have to rise again a day or two to choose between walking or riding in the back of a bumpy wagon while "recuperating" and taking care of a new infant - to take advantage of everything modern medicine can offer. I'm not sure what your Indian ancestors would say to that but I'm pretty sure they would heartily agree and want you to get through the process of birth as safely and comfortably as possible. I personally dedicate my epidural in honor of my mother who deserved such relief for the births of all six of her kids but probably never had any decent pain relief during any of them. Thanks mom for surviving and not hating us all!

8. There is a history of a serious labor problem on your dad's side. Aunt Jamie and your Great Aunt Shannon had it. I'm not sure what it is called and it's likely you won't have it - but neither Jamie or Shannon would have lived without an emergency c-section so get yourself to a real hospital just in case!

9. Breastfeeding is rewarding but it takes a lot of time and energy to get things rolling. Most women struggle with pain and difficulties in the beginning and I was no different but I was really surprised at just how much support I needed to get started. Women in my family have a particularly horrendous engorgement phase and it wasn't pretty. Luckily, you were ready to go from the start and had a "picture perfect latch" as one nurse told us; that certainly helped. I also had a lot of help and encouragement from my mom who helped me find nursing bras and other supplies. Angela brought her pump (thank you Ang!) and I sure needed it right away. Your dad helped me figure out how to use the pump and brought me hot and cold packs when I ended up with plugged ducts and mastitis. Our sense of humor certainly came in handy as well as the whole thing is pretty bizarre.

Now that you are getting a little bigger and have some neck control, I can conceal the process better but at the beginning, it was hard enough to feed you let alone be modest about it. I really appreciated that everyone who was in the house near the beginning was so kind about it and didn't make me feel strange about flashing all the time.

10. Watch out for people who give you a lot of advice - books too - and including me. Your body knows what it's doing and will serve you well. Despite being mushy brained, you'll know what's best for you and your family. And I'll be there for you no matter what.