B is staying with Uncle Tom and Aunt Galen right now. She is receiving hospice care and adjusting to life after a recent and serious fall just after Easter. She can no longer get around at all by herself and her eyes bother her so much that she can't read (!). She has come back from the lowest point when they thought she was going to die within weeks. But the losses in her health have left her in a bad state and it doesn't seem like she has either adjusted to a new life or like she is trying to get back to her old one. The whole family is working hard to help her and while they are thrilled she is still here, it has been difficult to add her care to already full lives. Luckily, they can get more help and things are still improving.
We left with hope that we would see B again. I had to cry half the way back to Salt Lake because it's very possible that we won't.
In fact, I was overwhelmed by emotion a lot of the time we were there. I do love our life in Portland but living so far from family is really hard to accept sometimes. I want to be there to help. I want to spend more time with B before we lose her. I want you both to have grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles surrounding and guiding you while you grow up.
We are also going home to a new schedule. Lucy will be going to half-day school every day and we will have a new nanny here 3 days/week later this summer. Part of me is excited to have my work life back. The predictability and productivity do a lot for my sanity. But it is difficult to lose sight of you for so many hours. You are both so tiny and precious right now. I don't want to miss the magic moments happening every day.
Henry, you are not making things easier on my by being the sweetest baby on the planet. Seriously, you are a dream. If you'd spend a day screaming now and then I'd probably feel a lot better about this whole leaving you thing.
Life is short. Seeing B was such a reminder to make every day count.
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