Room for someone like me?

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”
~ Mother Teresa

After our recent visit to Nauvoo, I am grateful to feel very connected to nine generations of our Mormon family. I am proud of these incredible people and all that they went through to build a new life for their families and communities. Our family has undeniable Mormon roots. And we are undeniably Mormon.

But... (and this is a big but, particularly since Mormons aren't really supposed to feel or voice opposition to the church's teachings)...the Mormon church does not align with all of my important beliefs and values. Thus, you hear things at church that I do not agree with and I sometimes ask you to ignore. We do things differently in our home than many Mormons do (I might be more likely to quote the Dalai Lama or Mother Teresa than Mormon prophets).

And the big one: until the rules change, I will not be a temple-going member of the church.

Some of the ward members are leery of my input during meetings and lessons. My extended family does not always understand what they might see as fence-sitting or apathy. I don't know if you notice this very much yet, but you will.

Despite what anyone thinks, I do care. I very much want Mormonism to grow and live up to my hopes and aspirations of peace, love, and truth. Moral compasses change and grow. Societies learn and become better and more just. Of course, I hope our church will do the same.

It is not easy. I constantly struggle to find my place in the church. Sometimes I am a calm follower (Christ-centered lessons). Other times, I feel like a radical lobbyist (sexuality and gender roles), or out-and-out dissenter (f*&%ing tank tops). I do not want to be loudmouthed, but I care too deeply to be silent. My intention is to quietly advocate for change with compassion and love. Sometimes, I just feel like an annoyance.

"If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”
~ Dalai Lama XIV

Due to my differences in beliefs with "doctrinal fundamentals," some might suggest I leave the church. This is precisely the kind of thinking that drives me crazy. It is the kind of message that overheard by a vulnerable heart, can have very unintended consequences.

So I am not leaving. I will keep on learning, attending, and hoping. The bottom line message I want you to teach you is not "if something is not perfect, cut it loose." Instead, I want you to learn that nothing needs to be perfect to be worthwhile and full of hope. Well-meaning people working together can build strong and beautiful communities. There is so much we can learn from each other, so much we can gain from diversity. The people most different from you might have the most to teach you. And in a truly loving community, there will always be room for everyone. Even someone like me.

If asked, Papa said his religion was simply love and respect for all life and the world. The closer the church comes to that, the happier I will be.

And sometimes, Mormons do get it just right.

“The Church provides opportunities for doing good...If you are tempted to give up: Stay yet a little longer. There is room for you here.”
― Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Mormon apostle

Love,
Mama