Heartsick

I've just read an address by Russell M. Nelson in the October Ensign and I'm absolutely heartsick over it.

Lucy, I hope you are never in a situation to even have to question an abortion. I hope you never have an abusive partner. I hope you never face having a child with severe abnormalities. I hope you don't have to go through fertility treatments that accidentally leave you with more embryos than your body can handle. I hope you never face poverty so severe you have to choose between having another child or being able to feed the ones you've already got. I hope you don't get pregnant at 48 after your husbands vasectomy doesn't take (oops says the doctor). I hope you never find out your are expecting soon after you find out your husband has been sexually abusing your kids.

But the truth is, I've known women in all of these situations and whether they chose to have an abortion or not (and some of them didn't), I stand 100 percent behind the idea that they needed that option to be available.

The fact that an apostle is questioning that right is deeply upsetting to me. Further so that he enters into the argument of exactly where life begins and takes moral judgement on the different reasons people have to make this very complicated decision. What happens in your and my uterus is our own business and nothing about his opinions would be helpful in a very difficult situation.

This isn't a war - this is life in a very harsh world that offers far few protections to far too many. Poverty, ignorance, greed, hatred - these are the real moral battle grounds. Abortion is just a symptom like CEO pay, illiteracy, and the state of the environment are symptoms. Focusing on one and not others is arbitrary and here, he's chosen to pick on the weak and already downtrodden (statistics show that women are far more likely to need an abortion if they are poor, uneducated, and/or lack health insurance). These women need our help, not our condemnation and certainly not our attack on their rights.

I've always had a soft heart for the ones left out and pushed down by the church. I remember once when I was very young, we had a lesson on two brothers. One wanted all people to be saved and had a plan that would make that happen. The other wanted free will even though some would be lost. The Father sided with the second brother and banished the first forever. I didn't understand and my heart went out to Lucifer. That night in my prayers, I called out to him - not to join his evil legion or anything - but just to say that I was so sorry for his pain. Being condemned by his father and God seemed like the worst thing I could possibly imagine. I wanted him to know that if he needed a friend, even if no one else in humanity could accept him, I would always be there for him.

Yes - I was very naive. But I still don't understand that story and I can't blame Lucifer for any of my mistakes or our societal ills.

The irony here is that currently Christians are on the side of things trying to take away free will from people wanting to make moral choices in their own lives. I haven't wanted to notice, but the Mormon church is taking part in this as well - first in their attacks on gay marriage and now here against reproductive choice.

The fact that this address comes in October, so soon before a November election for a president who may determine your future right to choose is a slap in the face. I am shocked and really disappointed that the church is getting involved in this way. Their involvement in politics in other areas has bothered me but this further crosses the line.

My heart is sick and I don't know what to do about it. If my heart cannot accept these teachings, what am I to do?