Living a compassion-centered life

(I gave this talk to our congregation today)

I think it has been more than 15 years since I have given a talk in church. To be fair to me, this is the first time I’ve been asked. To be fair to our meeting planners, I would not be surprised if there was some concern about what I might say.

That is ok. If there is a “typical Mormon,” I am not it.  I am not even sure if I am considered a “good Mormon.” My testimony, once shattered, was very difficult to rebuild. It is unique, filled with holes, and changes often. The call to obedience is often difficult for me to answer. The plight of those hurt by Mormon culture has become impossible for me to ignore.

So, I am who I am. Neither awful nor perfect. But grateful to be true to myself and to keep trying. Grateful to be comfortably accepted by this ward community. Colonial Heights Ward is a very special place.

Giving a talk on living a christ-centered life is a small service I am grateful to do for you.

Christ is the cornerstone of our religion. The touchstone, the back drop, the yardstick for all things to be measured by.

Our focus on his life and works makes us different than some other Christian denominations. It may seem subtle, but as a person who has worked in visual marketing and brand design, I can tell you that there is a big difference between gathering rooms that feature paintings of Christ administering among children, versus Christ’s agony on the cross.

As part of our focus on His good works, everyone in the church is given opportunities to serve one another and the broader community.

One turning point in my faltering testimony happened when I asked an area director for Mercy Corps (a good friend) how he recommended I donate household items and food for the survivors of the 2004 Indian Ocean earthquake and Tusnami. “Give it to the Mormons,” he said “They are often the first ones to show up with supplies.”

I was heartened to hear the respect in his voice. At the time, I was deeply grieving something that I felt was a great misstep by church leaders. It was a great relief to hear we were doing something right. Something important and good for mankind.

Recently, our family traveled to Nauvoo and I realized that I can trace my family back through eight generations of Mormons. It is amazing to me, particularly, to imagine the women that came before me - what their lives were like and what we might have in common. Some of my great-great-great grandmothers were second or third wives. Some left lush homelands to travel into the deserts of Utah where they were called to irrigate and build towns on sand-covered prairie. Some were happy. Some were not. Many lost children. Some lost husbands and remarried. My mother was probably not the first to live in a dysfunctional marriage but, as far as I know, she was the first to be divorced.

Our culture has changed. Our sensibilities have changed. Even many church mandates and rules have changed.

This is not surprising. Change is inevitable and required for growth. Marvin J Ashton wrote:

How often in life do we set our own roots into the soil of life and become root bound? We may treat ourselves too gently and defy anyone to disturb the soil or trim back our root system. Under these conditions we too must struggle to make progress. Oh, change is hard! Change can be rough. 

The Lord does not want His church to become root bound and stagnant. Constant revelation through the prophets is needed for the growth of His kingdom.

Change is necessary and hard! Being the first at anything is scary and difficult.  I am so proud of my mother for braving the way to a healthier family for me and my siblings. I am in awe at my ancestors who built communities in Scipio, Holden and Fillmore, Utah - towns hundreds and sometimes, thousands of miles from their places of birth.

But some things are constant, right? Like the Ten Commandments: “Thou shalt have no other gods before me” and on down. God gave Moses these rules to separate right from wrong, black from white, God from Satan. And they are serious. We are talking written in stone by God serious.

But then the rest of the scriptures meander through a variety of cultures and lives (many of them prophets) whose experiences following God sometimes lead them to break those rules.

Nephi killed Laban. David killed Goliath. The Israelites utterly destroyed the inhabitants of the promised land.

Obviously there are contradictions here. Perhaps this “know the rules” - “choose the right” business isn’t so cut and dried after all.

The real world is full of gray-areas, complex characters, back stories, messy circumstances, changes of heart, redemption, 3 billion pages on the internet.

Turns out the line separating right from wrong is not so easily carved into rock - but perhaps can only be taught by example. And learned through a lifetime of trial and error, contemplation, and growth.

The life and teachings of Jesus fill a fundamental role for us as individuals and as a church community. He is the example. The higher law. The essential and unchanging road map to an enlightened life and happiness.

Jesus used some his last moments to teach: “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you. … By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.” John 13:34

Love one another. Such simple words. Such a profound edict.

My favorite gospel topics delve into the meaning and fulfillment of Christ’s love.

Moroni defines Christlike love as “charity.” He wrote:

And now I know that this love which thou hast had for the children of men is charity; wherefore, except men shall have charity they cannot inherit that place which thou hast prepared in the mansions of thy Father. Ether 12:34

Gordon B. Hinkley spoke of Christ’s love as “mercy.” His words:

The Son of the everlasting Father, was the epitome of mercy. His ministry was one of compassion toward the poor, the sick, the oppressed, the victims of injustice and man’s inhumanity to man. His sacrifice on the cross was an unparalleled act of mercy in behalf of all humanity.

I personally find more resonance with the word “compassion” - which is a primary focus in another world-religion, Buddhism.

Now, my favorite article of faith is the 13th “if is there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.” In that spirit I share the words of His Holiness the Dalai Lama:

Compassion is an aspiration, a state of mind, wanting others to be free from suffering. It's not passive -- it's not empathy alone -- but rather an empathetic altruism that actively strives to free others from suffering.

Love one another -  a charitable heart, merciful dealings, compassion, a state of mind, a life of empathetic altruism.

How is this to be accomplished?

Brother Dieter F. Uchdorf says:

To follow Christ is to become more like Him. It is to learn from His character. The Savior invites us to learn His gospel by living His teachings. Ancient and modern prophets described it with three words: “Keep the commandments”—nothing more, nothing less.

So we are back to the commandments - the rules. And following the example of Christ.

• But what do miraculous loaves of bread teach us about our daily lives?
• Did the man who walked on water have 6 months of food storage?
• Did the man who raised lazereth from the dead always buy organic? Or return his library books on time?
• What of his personal habits? His marriage? His parenting?

Christ’s exemplary life provides a wealth of inspiration but he did not give us all the specifics. Most of the slate has been left purposefully blank for us to fill in.

Luckily, we are not left completely alone to find our way.

Also in his last sermon to his disciples, Jesus promised the Father would send another comforter, the Holy Ghost saying, “He shall teach you all things.” John 14:26

The scriptures promise us great rewards and happiness in the afterlife if we follow christ’s teachings. Life experience and even modern research tell us that living a life full of service can make us happier right now.

Here are some related findings by science:

• One study showed that active volunteers, on average, are twice as likely to feel happy with themselves as non-volunteers. ~ Crist-Houran 1996
• In another study, life satisfaction was found to improve 24 percent with the level of altruistic activity ~Williams, Haber, Weaver, and Freeman 1998
• In another study, greater community interactions increased happiness by almost 30 percent. ~ Sugarman 1997

Service truly is twice blessed: with benefits for both the giver and the receiver.

Gordon B. Hinkley said:

Generally speaking, the most miserable people I know are those who are obsessed with themselves; the happiest people I know are those who lose themselves in the service of others...By and large, I have come to see that if we complain about life, it is because we are thinking only of ourselves.

From Uchtdorf:

In the end, the number of prayers we say may contribute to our happiness, but the number of prayers we answer may be of even greater importance. Let us open our eyes and see the heavy hearts, notice the loneliness and despair; let us feel the silent prayers of others around us, and let us be an instrument in the hands of the Lord to answer those prayers.

I am not perfect. None of us is perfect. This church isn’t perfect. But when I am with you or when I think back through the eight generations of Mormons that came behind me  - I see that we are all trying. We are moving forward. And at our best moments, we are continuing a beautiful legacy of christlike love. A legacy of compassion. If we continue to change and grow, and to center our lives and our church around Christ, the world can be a better place, and we can find greater happiness and accomplish great things.

I see the possibilities in the very faces in this room. And I thank you for the kindness - the service, the compassion - you have shared with me and my family.

From The Lion King:

He lives in you
He lives in me
He watches over
Everything we see
Into the water
Into the truth
In your reflection
He lives in you