Mom and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Motherhood has taken me to the highest highs and the lowest lows. Just when I think I've felt the entire spectrum, it expands. The days you were born and on many moments since, I had no idea I could feel so much love, joy, and purpose. Other times, we hit the other end with soul crushing sadness and frustration that beats any I ever experienced before you two.

Today took me a little lower than I though possible.

What was it that had me screaming(!) in tears in dad's arms the second he came through the door?

Exhaustion? Frustration? Your endless horrible attitudes? So painful I can't even tell you.

This job of being your mom is REALLY HARD. Sooooooooooo much harder than I ever imagined. On days when I fell connected to you and satisfied that we are accomplishing some basics and having a few tender moments, it is survivable. That my efforts feel worthwhile and purposeful refuel me and help me keep going.

But on days when I don't feel like I'm doing a good job of it and all you do is whine and fight, it is possibly THE MOST DEPRESSING THING EVER IMAGINABLE.

Today was the worst day we have ever had together. We hit a wall today and I lost it in screaming tears. Twice.

Can we never (ever ever ever ever ever ever) do that again?

Sure, sure mom. Nod nod. Sigh.

Well, at least I'm not alone. Is it particularly immature of me to find solace in the complaints of other parents?

"Three year olds are great because just in case you didn't hear something the first time they will let you know another 728 times." ~@scrappydoo36

And having my pet, Dinarrhea (Lucy: "You know, because she is a dinosaur and also a ballerina."), by the bed is a new perk.

Yes, it was touch and go but your dad and a few laughs got me through another dark day. Just in case, let's keep the straight jacket on standby for a few years yet.

Love,
Mama