Grandpa's still at it

My parents were divorced when I was 12 years old. The actual divorce wasn't extraordinarily messy or terrible - just the normal, awful divorce stuff: dividing up possessions, determining custody, etc. But soon afterward (or maybe even before it was  completely finalized) it took a terrible turn when my father started filing lawsuits against my mother and others involved with a businesss they once owned. Now - I would consider it one of the ugliest divorces in history because it's been drawn out through more than 20 years (!) of legal attacks my dad has shelled out against my mom.

I believe my father is 100% wrong in doing this - both in principle and in fact. My mother owes him nothing. In fact, he is the one owing for unpaid child support, alimony and for the massive expenses piled up from two decades of court cases. It's absolutely ridiculous. But no one can convince him of that so on he goes. It drives me absolutely nuts.

Recently, he has filed again and my siblings and I have once again faced off with him about it - this time through email.  Each of us has argued the point from our own angle.

From Will - a dose of compassion:

I know this has been hard for you; and I will never realize the full pain you feel. However, I do know that if you want to be happy ... you need to give up this pain.

From Ginny - a straight-talking rebuke:
I watched MOM work long hours, leave her children, while you walked out, so she could support a family. Mom has worked her whole life to support our family, her life has not been fun and easy, she has put all but one of her children through school and college. It may be hard for you to believe but none of MAC belongs to you! I am sorry that this is so hard for you, but it is reality.

From Dave - business knowhow and amazing family insights:
The amount of stress, headache, and financial burden that has come as a result from year's worth of law suits and prideful grievances has taxed our family by amounts that I can scarcely comprehend. The fact that these actions are still being executed pains and even angers me. I become even angrier when I watch my father lie both to his self and to others for what I can see no other benefit that that of maintaining his own self image....It is my greatest wish that my nieces, nephews, and perhaps someday my children, will be able to grow up with no memory of my parents divorce or the great tragedy that has resulted since then.

And from me - an emotional plea:
Many times I've thought that if you cared about me, you would stop dragging us all through this legal hell. If you continue, I will know that's true and that you really don't care about me at all.

I think all of the arguments were heartfelt, well-written, and powerful. Taken all together, any reasonable person would have been blown away. But alas - your grandpa is not a reasonable man and these letters seem to have had no effect. I have little hope for him ever changing and it is very sad indeed. I really pity him for spending so much of his life on such a fruitless cause.

The worst part for me is the frustration of not being able to do anything about it. I guess the best I can do is to be sure I, you and anyone else I can influence won't get caught up in a similar situation. So here are my general guidelines in how to avoid a twenty-year feud.

• Be honest with yourself - even if it is painful. It is the first step to moving forward.
• Be willing to admit mistakes or give up on something is causing unhappiness. Letting go will be difficult but it will also make you free.
• Don't expect everything to be fair. Even if you are right and deserving, things may not go your way. 
• Forgive and forget with a kind heart - especially forgive yourself. 
• Count your blessings. The world is full of amazing gifts if you just take time to notice. 
• Life is a journey; never stop moving along the path to true happiness and peace. Follow the Buddhist way of remaining watchful and letting go each time you become stuck.

"Love one another." - Jesus Christ

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." - Joseph Campbell

“Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude. ” - Denis Waitley