Out of the mouths of babes

Ruby Bridges - the first black child to attend an all-white elementary school in Louisiana during the 20th century. 

Dad was talking to you about prejudice against hispanics, blacks, and girls who like girls or boys who like boys. They were dumbfounded that people did that and asked why would anyone would think it was okay to exclude or bully someone for any such reasons.

Jeremy: "Some of them feel that way because they think it's what God wants."
Lucy: "That must be Ares [the Greek god of war] or Eris [the Greek goddess of discord] and they shouldn't be listening to those gods anyways!"

You're amazing. Humanity isn't so awful either. We sure have come a long way in 50 years. I really hope things keep getting better and better.

Seven gratitude exercises

"The heart that gives thanks is a happy one,
for we cannot feel thankful and unhappy at the same time.
The more we say thanks, the more we find to be thankful for.
And the more we find to be thankful for, the happier we become.
We don't give thanks because we're happy.
We are happy because we give thanks."
~ Douglas Wood in The Secret of Saying Thanks

I gave a talk on the science of gratitude this week. Being thankful is something that changes my life for the better every day. If there is anything I have a testimony of, it is gratitude.

One of my biggest goals as a parent is to help you develop habits of gratitude. Choosing to be grateful will help you learn to let got of disappointments and readily make the best of things.

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow."
~ Melody Beatti

Please, please, please learn to be grateful. There is nothing more uplifting, healing, inspiring, peaceful, and healthy for you to learn.

The following is from the handout:

Seven Gratitude Exercises

All seven exercises work, but you’re more likely to make it a habit if you pick what appeals most to you. If you already keep a gratitude journal, consider adding another strategy into the mix. Most take just a few extra minutes a week but offer disproportionately large benefits.

1. Gratitude Journal

At the end of each day, write down a few items for which you are grateful. A daily calendar can be a quick and easy one to carry around.

• The items you list must change and you must keep the activity interesting.
• The list does not have to be written. You can also say it out loud.

Resources:

• Happy Tapper, an iPhone and iPad gratitude app.
• Thnx4.org, a free, online, and social gratitude journal.

2. Positive prayer

Thank God for blessings. And/or thank the universe for lucky circumstances.

Resources:

• A beautiful prayer for all faiths, by Thich Nhat Hanh, one of the most revered Buddhists in the world:  Waking up this morning, I see the blue sky. I join my hands in thanks for the many wonders of life; for having twenty-four brand-new hours before me.
• A beautiful quote by G. K. Chesterton: You say grace before meals. All right. But I say grace before the concert and the opera, and grace before the play and pantomime, and grace before I open a book, and grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing and grace before I dip the pen in the ink.

3. Negative Grace

On a regular basis, imagine some part of your life being worse than it actually is.  Example: before I shower I say thanks for not having to bathe in an ice-cold tundra. Before I sleep I sometimes say thanks for not having to sleep on the floor.

Resources:

• Spent (online game, life in the shoes of a poor person) It’s quick and free.
• 60 things that could be worse, from Tiny Buddha.

4. Write a thank you note

Thank anyone you know for anything they helped or shared with you. Take time to focus on sincere words, specific items to be grateful for, and the person you are grateful to.

5. Remember The Bad

Instead of visualizing something bad that could happen to your life, as with negative grace, visualize something bad that actually has happened, but that you overcame. Remembering the pain and difficulty with which we arrived at the present helps us to feel grateful.

Note: Don’t focus on unresolved bad – on choices not made or regrets left festering, but instead on challenges conquered and positives that could have been negative.

6. Gratitude Visualization

Picture in your mind someone for whom you are grateful. Now verbalize out loud or in your mind a few specific reasons for why you are grateful for them. The more specific the better. After a few minutes, switch to someone else.

Resources:

• An overview of loving-kindness (compassion) meditation. Compassion and gratitude are not the same thing, but increasing one has been shown to also increase the other.
• A comprehensive PDF of loving kindness meditation.
• A gratitude meditation by Deepak Chopra.

7. Sensory Appreciation

We are consciously aware of less than .01% of the sensory cells being activated each second. Usually this is a good thing – if we were suddenly aware of all of the different things touching our body, smells reaching our nose, tastes lingering on our tongue, sounds hitting our eardrums and light-rays entering our eyes all at once, we would go crazy and be unable to focus. But sometimes it’s good to turn off the filter.

• The next time you are eating delicious food, take a moment to close your eyes, focus on the pleasant sensations being generated in your mouth, and be grateful for 1) your tongue, 2) the food, or both. Doing this not only makes me grateful and happy – it makes my food taste much better!
• The next time you are listening to a favorite song, close your eyes, focus on the beautiful combination of sounds, and be grateful for 1) your ears, 2) the music, or both. Remember the sense of joy you experienced the first few times you listened to favorite song? This can help you reclaim that joy.
• This extends to enjoying special belongings in a way that brings you joy: wearing your favorite underwear, using your favorite mug, hanging up a painting you love, printing photos to put in an album within easy reach, and so on. I love fabric, always have. For years I kept all my fabric in tubs - but when I brought them out and found a place where I could line them up on a shelf, suddenly I felt joy just passing by and seeing them. I hang a quilt that your great grandmother made in our patio room. Yes, it would be better preserved in a box in the attic; but on display, it brightens our space and reminds me often of my grandma and all that she did for me.

Resources:

• A useful guide to mindful eating, from Zen Caffeine.
• Eat What You Love, a book about mindful eating.

---

Recommended Books

• Taking Charge: Caring Discipline That Works at Home and at School(Fourth Edition) by JoAnne Nordling
• The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People: What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It by David Niven
• The Secret of Saying Thanks By Douglas Wood

Dull knives that cut deep

Our knives have not been sharpened since Papa died. He used to check them when he visited, cluck, and shake his head at our clear negligence. Oozing exasperation, he'd say "You kidz," then dutifully sharpen all he could find into tip-top cutting form.

I love the way he talked with his whole body, moving his hands, shuffling his feet. Character! Hair to toenails, full of it.

I miss his gestures like I miss his voice. Which is to say, a whole heck of a lot.

Alas, we have a knife sharpener but I can't get myself to use it. Don't try to cut a tomato at our house. It's a sad affair.

Really bad photography, true commitment to hide and seek

Like father, like son.

Love you - my stealthy hiders,
Mama

Backyard happiness

Thanks to the dear Blooms, our new backyard structure is up. And just look at those faces! Such a moment of joy!

What could be better for you climbing monkeys?! I dearly hope we have many happy days together in our new backyard castle.

Love you,
Mama

Boobie love

I made this knockers bag in honor of breastfeedinga dventures about to begin with her new baby and newly functional rack.

I packed it with some boobie goodies as well as some personal, new-mommy favorites.

• Breast pads (for top leaks)
• Maxi pads (for nether leaks)
• Pacifiers (comfort sucking doesn't need to be on mom)
• Vitamin C packets (don't get sick, mama!)
• Hand sanitizer (don't get sick, mama!)
• Prunes (pain meds + blown out birthing parts = yikes!)
• Gum (totally counts as brushing your teeth)
• Lip balm (breastfeeding dries everything out)
• Working Hands moisturizer (did I mention, breastfeeding dries everything out?)
• Liquid silk (because - surprise! - breastfeeding dries everything out.)
• Soothies (cool packs for the tatas that you can keep in the fridge)
• Ear plugs (sleep = sanity)
• Lanolyn (heals the melons fast)

Sending out love to new mamas everywhere!
m

My most important everything

It has been difficult for your dad and I to find any time together lately. So dad stayed home from work today so we could talk and walk the hood like we did all the time BC (before children). This situation is also known as bliss.

Little known fact: though dad is several inches taller than I am, our legs are almost exactly the same length. We are pretty much invincible in a three-legged race.

Across the internets, news sources were still quoting dad after a city council meeting yesterday (if you haven't noticed, the guy is basically badass). But lucky me, got him LIVE and all myself for the whole school day.

Nothing is more important than your dad to me. Nothing (though you two come a close second). He is numero uno and hands down THE best thing that has ever or will ever happen to me. Our life, this love affair of my lifetime, happens to be fantastic. The best and most important thing I will ever do is to put my whole self into loving him and savor as much time together as we can find.

Sometimes you complain about going to bed when the bigs of the house are clearly staying up together. I tell you "This is my time to be with my prince. Happily ever after doesn't work if you don't make time for your perfect prince!"

I hope you get to find out for yourselves how true that is. And if you are really lucky (and I do mean really), happily ever after might even include playing hookie now and then.

Xoxo,
Mama

Hawaiian "igvencher"

The sun was high in the sky today and there were hardly any clouds. The ocean waters were lit up all the way to the ocean floor. It felt like I was floating on top of a giant fish tank. The warmest, biggest, most exciting fish tank of all time!

Here's a confession: I have never flown over an ocean or to a place I didn't know all by myself before. I feel brave and flexible and maybe just a little bit wild. Of course I really am all of those things, igvenchering is what parenting you has been all about. So igvenchering, I am - and it is every bit as amazing as I wanted it to be.

I swam with turtles today(!), joined schools of fish, and followed two puffer fish across the reef. I didn't have the heart to scare them enough to make them pop up but I was hoping something else would. Nothing did. Now, I think that's good. Everything was peaceful. Even the sea snake didn't scare me today. Probably because it was a much more reasonable size and the arm-thick one I saw yesterday.

As I write this, and as you read this, those very animals are still out there. Living an ocean, three time zones, a climate, and ecosystem away from home. How amazing that I got to be with them today!

Thank you for supporting my trip. For being good helpers. For all that you do to make our family happy and my life wonderful and rich. I plan to spend years returning the favor, including bringing you here because you have to see this!

But the beauty of this place is much more than I bargained for. It is wonderous, breath-taking, and soul-filling. The smell in the wind, the sound of the birds, the feel of the sand and the water, the amazing views – my senses are on overload trying to take it all in. I feel unbelievably rich and so happy to be in this world, living this life that I lucked into.

Our spinning planet might look small in our giant universe. But it is filled with so many beautiful things to see, trips to take, oceans to cross, animals to meet, and places to experience. I hope I will raise you to be brave and flexible and maybe just a little bit wild – so someday, you will be ready to igvencher on your own too.

Xoxo,

Mama

Today's script for The FiveCrows Show

SEASON 7, EPISODE 252 

(the one with the mouse)

OPENING CREDITS
Series of clips. Family in various cheesy situations and funny moments. Theme song and credits accompany.

FADE IN

1. BASEMENT PLAYROOM - DAY
Mom is mumbling to herself, struggling to put together a car track without instructions. Henry is several feet away, playing with toys. Mom looks exhausted.

Henry: "Hey mom, I think I just heard a mouse!"
Mom with a look of pure horror: "Really, where? What?"
Henry: "Well...or it could have been a toy."
Mom: "Do you really think it was a mouse?"
Henry: "I dunno. Maybe."
Mom: "Yikes!"

Camera zoom, fade transition to show Mom's brain is imagining a scary mouse.

Accompanying sound bite: classic screams from Psycho

{LAUGHTER}

2. KITCHEN - DAY
Mom and Blanca tidying kitchen, conversing in English/Spanish.

Blanca: "I'm sorry but I could not take care of the mouse."
Mom looking alarmed: "What? Where?"
Blanca: "You didn't see it? It is in Henry's room."
Mom with look of pure horror: "Dead?"
Blanca: "Yes."

Camera zooms, fade transition to show Mom's brain is imagining a mice infestation.

Accompanying sound byte: the Jaws theme song

{LAUGHTER}

3. BACKDOOR ENTRANCE - DAY
Kids and parents coming in the door after a long day. Parents look exhausted.

Mom: "I think we had better nip this in the but ASAP. I say traps, poison, and anything else they got."
Jeremy: "OK. I'll walk down with Harry and get some supplies."
Lucy: "But mom. I don't want to kill mice!"

Camera follows Jeremy and Henry down the block, emotional conversation between mom and Lucy fading into the background.

CLIP TO: Dad and Henry walking home, carrying huge bags of supplies.

Accompanying sound bite: primary song/dirge, "Pioneer children sang as they walked"

{LAUGHTER}

4. INT. DINING ROOM - DAY
Camera tight on the family going through table of mice extermination info and products. Lucy is clearly upset about killing mice. Henry is clearly excited about setting traps. Parents look exhausted.

Jeremy: "OK. I put them in the attic, crawl space and all over the house."
Henry: "Dad, let's do some more." Lucy: "I'm going to my room!"
Mom: "OK. Just be careful on your way there."

Zoom out to show that the table is surrounded by a giant game of house trap.

Accompanying sound bite: Mouse Trap™ jingle, circa 1985

{LAUGHTER}

5. INT. KITCHEN - DAY
Mom is cutting vegetables and doing other food preparation. Dad enters room to find her. Parents look exhausted.

Jeremy: "Did you look at the dead mouse in Henry's room?"
Mom: "It's behind his bed. I peeked in there and then ran away."

PREGNANT PAUSE

Mom: "Why? What is it?"
Jeremy: "The 'mouse' is just a wad of hair and lint."

Mom looks sheepish. Dad looks even more exhausted than before (is that possible?).

{LAUGHTER}

6. PARTY IN CLOUD HEAVEN - DAY
Greek gods are looking down at the FiveCrows family, laughing, and lounging with a glass of wine.

Hera: "That was classic!!!"
Hermes: "Who knew I could cause so much trouble with lint.
Athena: "Humans are crazy."
Hades: "Well you know...cerberus sheds. A LOT."
All: celebratory toasts and laughing maniacally

{LAUGHTER}

Camera zooms out.

FADE OUT - ROLL CREDITS

Accompanying sound bite: Mouse Trap™ jingle, circa 1985

Perpetually late to the migration

Sometimes, I can be extremely obtuse. I tend to be the last to get something that everyone else sees coming from miles away.

Like after we got married and then thought, now what? I had absolutely no idea. For a long time I kept expecting Jeremy to go home, as if our marriage was just a really long date. It took me weeks to realize living with him was the new normal.

Or when I gave birth and couldn't believe there was an actual baby to take home. What? Really? For some reason I found this completely shocking.

Our planet's distress is another of these situations. I have read about it for years. We have even donated to causes, participated in projects, and made household changes trying to help. But for some reason, this major topic of discussion and action has never really sunk in. Until today.

Finally, after reading another article about salmon dying in our rivers – my rivers – the massive extent of what is happening hit me. Really hit me. I promptly threw up my breakfast and now I can't stop crying. Major changes to our planet are really happening. We have really done this great an horrible thing. And the greatest extent of our recklessness has basically happened over MY lifetime.

We have plans to meet friends today in the city. Honestly, I don't know if I can get myself together.  I have to go into the other room and face you. I really don't know how I am going to explain why I am so upset.

Perhaps I will tell you that I just found out my mother is very sick and my brothers and sisters are dying. Because it's true. And if it were the humans in my family, and not the earth and the salmon – I am not sure this hole in my chest could feel much worse.

The mother that Mormonism is missing

There is a lot of discussion in Mormonism right now about women's roles. Some women want to know why they can't have the priesthood and take on the roles that men are ordained to. Many men and women are concerned about sexism and want to see changes that address masogyny.

I am interested in the discussion but I am not passionate about it. The church has a path and will make course corrections as it has done in the past. I am looking forward to some very much needed changes that will hopefully come in time.

But the changes I am hoping for are hard to put into words because they are BIG.

The female that I feel is missing from our religion is not connected to the priesthood or really, anything that happens inside a church building or temple. She is Mother Nature.

She is the butterfly, the eagle, the salmon, the lamprey.

Water is sacred. Air is sacred.

She cares more about our communities and relationships than she cares about our individual choices. One person's choice to smoke, steal, or lie is not nearly as important as a whole community that relies on a power source that is polluting the environment for everyone.

She is our mother. We are in her home. And as a whole, we are not very good house guests.

This is a holy Mormon temple. It is a place that I have an unusual relationship with (for a Mormon that is). I felt from the beginning, that it was not the place for my passion and my work.

But the world's splendor is Her church. The river is Her temple. And it has become mine.

(Looks like the video was taken down. I think this is the same one here:
http://www.disclose.tv/action/viewvideo/158947/We_Are_All_One__An_Inspiring_Short_Film_To_Watch/)

Turns out, Siri doesn't swim

"The cure for anything* is salt water–sweat, tears, or the sea."
~Isak Dinesen
*Does not apply to iPhones

We've been in Manzanita for TWO WHOLE WEEKS. Amazing. Lovely. So mellow and calm. Days go like this: bike ride, park, beach, hot tub, library, candy store, games, movie, repeat.

Sadly, I killed both your dad's and my phones by placing them in the way of a sneaker wave. Water + iPhone + hot sun that I placed them in to dry = VERY DEAD electronics. Your poor dad was as mad as I have ever seen him, which is to say very quiet and not making eye contact for a half an hour. I had never busted or lost a cell phone before and I hope I never do again! We didn't let it ruin our trip but we did stop for rice treatment and a short vigil.

From your dad:

"*sob* After 24 hours in an Intensive Care rice bag, Siri was pronounced dead at 6:27 PM 07/13/2015. I can't help but wonder if had I used basmati rice to try and dry her out instead of plain white rice, she might be with us still today. *sob* ‪#‎goodbyeSiri‬"

No phones = no photos. So this photo of you in the hot tub will have to suffice for two weeks of glorious beach adventures. Hopefully you will remember jumping in the surf, hunting through tide pools, and playing umpteen games of the Jumanji board game we bought here at a yard sale. I'm pretty sure you have memorized most of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and Land Before Time II after watching the VHS tapes over a few times. "What do you mean it has to rewind?" You hadn't come into contact with anything that needed REWINDING before. Gad, I'm old.

Alas, it was a great adventure with lots of time to just BE together. As we leave for home, my bucket is FULL.

Love you both,
Mama

Magic is happening

Henry with four books he can read by himself!

I remember bringing Lucy home from the hostpital and realizing that she didn't know anything. ANYTHING. She didn't know the word spoon. Or how to wave goodbye. Or which Star Wars movie is the absolute best one (Empire Strikes Back, of course). The universe had put me in charge of teaching her everything! It was a moment of complete terror. I called my mom in a panic and she calmly reassured me that it would all happen over time. Every day would teach her something new and before I knew it, she would know how to make friends, do algebraic equations, and make heart-shaped pancakes.

And slowly, time has proven her right. You have both learned to talk and walk and make friends and swim. And so many other things. But it still feels somewhat magical to me. Not like Harry Potter and pumpkin coach magical. But more like WiFi magical. I understand basics of the science behind the technology. But when I sit here typing and listening to music that is *magically* floating down to my ears from space, it feels like there is definitely some hocus pocus happening.

I felt the same thing when your brains somehow started processing letters into words. You are READING. I've read to you a lot. And we've looked at letters. But I don't feel like I taught you this. I feel like you were WIRED for it and somehow, at just the right moment, it came online all by itself.

It happened first with Lucy and now Henry has caught the bug. One day you are sounding out "fan." The next time I turn around you are reading full sentences and accepting the non-logic that through and threw sound the exact same but mean two totally different things. English. It is crazy!! Always seemed way too (not to, or two) complicated a thing for me to teach you. So it's a good thing that you are both absolutely, fantastically, magic.

Losing my marbles

Spring fever has brought out the crazy in you both. I have been at my wits end trying to get through our days without any shouting or breakdowns. Maybe it's because we are so busy with year-end activities. Maybe it's because you are going through growth spurts. Whatever the cause, you were both girl-with-a-curl HORRID. If we had a Whip Man and Whip Woman to call, they would be top of my speed dial! Or maybe I'd just invite them to move in.

Enter, the marble jar.

A marble moves from "trouble" into the "happy family on earth" jar (you named them both at our family meeting) when wonderful behavior is noticed by me or dad. When the happy jar is full, we decide on an activity or treat to enjoy together.

This has worked very well and this week we got through another set of marbles so we could go to Swirl for frozen yogurt. The only problem here is that Lucy has the habit of eating slowly and enjoying her sweets (VERY GOOD!) and Henry has the habit of snarfing through his dessert like Fabulous Mr. Fox and then proceeding to steal bites from Lucy's when she isn't looking (VERY BAD!).

We decided to turn the tables on him tonight and instead of leaving a dish of delicious ice cream for him to plunder, Lucy was carrying about a veritable mix of allum, milk, mayo, and jam ("edible" items that together, looked like ice cream but were obviously going to TASTE TERRIBLE). It didn't take long for the scene to play out. We know this kid.

He went off with a face not far from Sylvester's allum-related pucker.

It reminded me of Lynda's story about giving Jarrod the ice cream cone topped with a scoop of crisco on top after he had skipped to the front of the line and demanded to be first at treats one too many times. BOOM! Wise as Yoda, Lynda is a jedi master or parenting trickery. I am still in training.

xo,
Mama

Meet Planty

Doesn't bark. Doesn't shed. Doesn't poop! Thank you for picking a venus flytrap as your next pet! It is very charming. Fingers crossed that your seeds for other carnivorous plants grow well. And that you can catch enough fruit flies to feed them all.

Henry, you certainly keep things interesting.

Love,
Mama

Extra Crafty Birthday Party

Dearest Lucy,

When I let you plan your birthday party, I had no idea what I was getting into. Four art projects! Lunch! Presents! A movie!

We made bags, peacock shirts, hula hoops, AND lip gloss. FOUR projects with 16 girls = insanity.

The food was great. Thank you Daddy. And thank you Costco.

We invented a dress-up-the-birthday-girl game that yielded a fabulous ensemble for opening presents. I think a new tradition is born.

All in all, a great time. But if you want to take two friends on an elephant ride to the moon next year, that would be much simpler.

Love you oodles,
Mama

$2 at the DI bought us...

...this learning chess set. As we pass the 100th game we've played, I can see how it ended up there.

Duct tape to the rescue

When I say that bandaging any wound with duct tape is an old Indian trick, I really mean it. This guy always had some around for first aid and a million other purposes.

Papa, I miss holding your hand and finding a random piece of duct tape covering a cut on your finger. I miss your laugh. And your grouchy harrumphs. I just miss YOU.

Sadly, duct tape can't fix everything. But it is one more thing that will forever remind me of you.

Happy Mother's Day?

On the bright side, I feel "like a blooming rose" wearing my new necklace and enjoying your lovely poetry.

On the down side, I've spent much of the day working through 8 loads of laundry and checking (and rechecking) your heads for potential nits. So far - none, but since they have hot both your classrooms and play groups, it won't be long now. Then there is the trail of "fairy dust" (dirt + who knows what) that has been trailed through the house and into my bed.

Playing perfectly in my ear is papa's voice saying "Kids is gross!" Such words of wisdom!

In case you at wondering, a cruise is not too extravagant a gift for some future Mother's Day; and yes, it would be a great way to say thank you for picking up all your junk and taking care of all the lice infestations.

But since the junk and the dirt also come with hugs and love and kisses and more love than I ever thought possible, I'll say thank you. I am (still) forever grateful to be your mom.

7 years of Lucy

I sigh that kiss you,

For I must own

That I shall miss you

When you have grown.

~ Yeats
(echoed in the heart of every parent in the world)

Lucy, I can't believe it's already been seven years since you were born!

In the thousands of days that we have spent together since then, you've changed me in thousands of ways. I am a new person because of you. Our life is totally different because of you.

It has not been easy and we have had some horrible days here and there. But I would not trade you all the uninterrupted sleep in the world.

I am thankful for seven years of visiting every which place across town where we can art and create together.

Seven years of exploring books and nature, finding all kinds to new things to do. Along with new ways to dirty So. Much. Laundry.

Seven years of hugs and kisses and laughing at all your crazy ideas. Countless moments when my heart has swollen so large, I picture it busting out of its frame, just like the Grinch's.

Seven years of growing into being (hopefully) the Mama you will need for the next seven years and beyond.

Yours forever,
Mama